My Support Forums - View Single Post

jazzy123456 · Oct 15, 2010, 01:18 AM

I feel like the "boy who cried wolf" (btw I'm a girl though, lol) when I started therapy earlier this year, I guess I did have legitimate problems... I had recurrent thoughts of suicide... that was in like, february and march...speed up till today, I have none of that & my depression is no where near as intense...but, I emailed my therapist so much during my hardcore depression and now I feel like if I emailed her now, continuously, she'll get fed up... or think I'm too clingy. i feel like my "before" problems is nothing compared to now... so now when I am really in trouble, I am afraid she will ignore me... hints..."the boy who cried wolf..." Technically, I went to therapy for problems to deal with in my past and now, everything is falling apart in the present. However, I don't know if many of you could deal with the kind of sporadic therapy I've had to deal with, I've taken a "month" break in between, 3 week break in between, i think a "month and a half" too, all for reasons that were beyond my control...and I know I have not seen my therapist in over a month and 1 week, due to reasons outside of my control, her getting sick, me getting sick, etc... to me, I'm thinking, wouldn't that make it okay that I feel the need to email her? I wonder if she understands how hard it is to not be able to have that continuous time... and for therapy to be sporadic...i dont think she comprehends how difficult that is for me and it bothers me..... the following paragraph is what I would like to email her... let me know what you think? if i should? it feels unfair that we've had to cancel three appointments by now, and no matter if we have, i shouldn't have contact...that just doesn't seem right....this is what I want to send her below....

was curious, i remember talking about hypersensitivity and like, I need to know what to do---I'm too overwhelmed by "stimuli," I guess thats how they phrase it?...i'm so sensitive that since my mom has chest pain, shes very sick, i have recurrent chest pain, my entire body aches, because of all of the difficult emotions/situations in my life right now, I'm exausted because of all of the hard work in the business, even just thinking about it exausts me, i'm only 21 and having to run a business because my mom is sick. i have hair breakage out of stress, i get nauseous when I try to eat food for some reason, because of all of the disrespectful comments from Derek buzzing in my head like, "your anorexic," "your pretty but, do you see that girl? you need to dress/look more like her,"..( I've felt upset about his words ever since I refused to have contact with him), on top of it, I am sick from recent surgery. in addition, i have recurrent pain in my back from the chiropracter appointment...i feel like i am going to pass out. i didn't know if you had a suggestion of some sort...if I could pin point what I needed to do to let out all of this overbearing energy I would but, I can't. hypersensitive people have more energy directed towards them, in a sense, we are "allergic" to life. its so wierd because instead of all of this happening I would usually cry or get mad....now i'm neither expressing anger or sadness, only being as responsible as I can, and I have all this stuff happening instead.

should I send that? i usually want to email her when i am overwhelmed..I wonder if she truly understands how hard my life is right now? because i would like for her to have more compassion since we've had so many cancellations of appointments..ONLY ONCE did she ever call me, initiate.. and that was because she, i guess, sensed that need in me, that I was overwhelmed... and if she sensed it then, why can't she sense it now... and the day she called me can't even compare to the emotions bubbling inside of me currently...i mean, really! she knows my mom had a heart attack, i had to let her know that, in order to cancel the appointment...

HERES the last response to when i said my mom had a heart attack.
super short. why do therapist do that? i never ever call her. why can't i do that?

I'm sorry that things have been hard on your end of late. Wow. I'll certainly lift up your mom, your family and you, as you walk through that...it's tough when those unexpected things throw a wrench into life...

Blessings,

MY T---- remains anonymous on this site.

So, she validates that things have been hard for me. should i send the other email then? what is it going to take to not let my hypersensitivity get the best of me!?
sooo overwhelmed.
and frustrated.