SakuraLi: Since I posted the initial post, I've been thinking and I'm not so confused anymore. I just would like my and my bf to come back together as a stronger communicating team rather than drift apart. He had been kind and positive in the last e-mail he sent 7 days ago but I can’t reach him on his cell or email, which is unlike him, so I don’t know what’s going on. The only thing I know for sure is he’s not good at managing a lot of major things at once but he has previously had always been super good at the relationship, managing schoolwork and his job.

He has a really hard class and a big test to study for now and more job duties but I don’t see how a 5-minute call or even a voicemail could take away from his progress. Things like this don’t make any sense to me and if I tell him that the lack of communication bothers me and he’ll probably withdraw more and get all depressed (which has happened before).

It sounds like when those communication lines falter, that triggers some fears of your own. I'm wondering if the next part of the equation is that when you do finally hear from him, he hears a lot from you about how worried and concerned you were and this, in turn, produces stress in him, to the extent that he withdraws because he was already feeling overly stressed.

Could that be the cycle that has come into play?

If so, in order to break it, both of you might have to make some modest changes. For example, he might have to be willing to ensure communication stays in place. I'm certain that even a simple text that he was stuck in his room studying would be enough to address your concerns about his state of mind.

And you might have to be willing to not share all your fears and concerns with him at the point he does call. For example, maybe you could say, "It's so nice to hear from you," as opposed to, "My god! Where have you been?! I was so worried! I've been trying to reach you for days!"

Admittedly, I can understand your concerns -- I'm a mom and we are specialists in the panic department. Nonetheless, I've learned that if my kids feel guilted out when they call, they're less inclined to call and that's not what I want. So now, when they do call, I thank them for calling, thank them for letting me know what's happening for them/delayed them from calling, express my sympathies as appropriate and enjoy the opportunity to re-connect. When I altered my own behavior, they altered theirs and we both got our needs met. You may find that a similar approach works well for you and your boyfriend.