Hey there,

man, confusion sucks! I'll try to break this down a little, help you get to know yourself better; Never been in a relationship, but go for the casual sex? Strangers allow you to keep a distance, aloow you to keep your guard up; I'm wondering even how often you disclose or open up to people, and your past sexual history. Real relationships make a person vulnerable-they can hurt you. It's one thing if a stranger tells you something, but how do you handle something hurtful that someone close does to you?

How are you at voicing when you get hurt? I'm thinking you hold in a lot of anger; what normally happens when you tell someone you are angry or hurt? Do they listen to you?

The suicide thing must have been a hard time for you fer real, I'm glad you found the strength and courage to get through it. Since you brought it up here, I'm wondering if some of the old thoughts you are having are coming up for you again-doesn't even have to be specifically suicidal, persay-but the things that centered around those thoughts don't just disappear. You may still feel hurt.

As for the phases, I'll be honest, I'm with Freud-I think you are really looking for the care your parents didn't or are not giving you, I'm thinking there is a ton of pain and anger there. I think the phases represent what you need at the time-why guys sometimes, and why do you chose girls? Or none at all? Do you tend to lean towards a preference in certain types of periods in your life?

Course this is all very subjective and I'm assuming an awful lot here,
but thought I'd throw some stuff out there just to get ya thinking about the "why" you do things. I don't think a person can just "stop" thinking about something or carrying out an action before dedicting time to why it's happening and how it all affects you;

Gosh, (((primer))), I hope you are able to find some support as well, it suck trying to sort all this out on your own.

I wish you the best, take care,
-obj