I can only give you my experience with this as I dont know your circumstances from the past. But this is one of my things I do a lot, I seem to go into a cut of place where reality or my adult realm ceases to exist and very young feelings emerge, for me being abandoned at birth and then having an adoptive mother that virtually left me unattended for the first 15months of my life I experience those times in the present and when I begin to feel as if T isn't there, its a feeling flashback.

I often then have to email T and begin accusing her of not helping me, not being there, and she replies and says stuff like these are early feelings that I could not let myself feel as a baby but am feeling now and actually the protesting about her not being there is a good sign, it means I am allowing myself to feel those cut of feelings from those early days.

Its not easy and I've spent yrs doing this with T, whenever I am triggered I go back to that place of being alone, as if I am alone on a strange planet and whilst I am in that "state" its very hard for my adult self to distract and comfort that very young part of me.

So for me the feeling of T not being there is about a past event that was real, but isnt real now unyet I am compelled to act out with her working toward a resolution.

As I say it maybe something else for you.