Sounds like your family is used to a high level of tension and will keep it high just so that things will feel "normal". My hubby's family is like that. Do what you can to keep yourself insulated. When you feel it start, distance yourself, short circuit it, or if nothing else works, leave. Anger can be like a drug, people get almost a high from it. if you take it away from them, they will resist. Hang in there. HUGGGGSSSSS.