Often, I found myself when deressed focussing on all the good things that would never be mine because of the things that had happened to me that I couldn't choose. Years wastd because of the mood diorder triggered by hideous bllying and my father's drinking, less than optimal parenting, poor timing in becoming a parent myself, a handicapped child.... My illness had a way of leeching away all the things around me that were mine because of just those things.
Sometimes you have to mourn those things that won't be yours. I will always mourn having nver had a father who could be there for me as a small child, or a mother who understood me. I will always mourn the difficulties my son will face going through life, and the chances I never had. i wouldn't be human if i didn't.
don't abuse yourself for that, or for not having those chances. Every time we make a turn in life, doors clse, and others open. Both negative and positive ones. It's not easy to see the positive ones when you are feeling like this, but they are there. You are RIGHT to mourn what can't be, but celebrate what is. You might have to wait a bit until you see what there is to clebrate, but I believe there is soemthing there, that never would have been if the other road had been taken. HUGGGGGGGGGGS.