(((((((((((((jazzy))))))))))))))

Even though you say what's going on in your life, you don't mention in your e-mail how the cancellations of appointments feels, or that you would like to come see her. If that is what you need her to know, could you share that with her as well?

I am allowed to e-mail my T, and it does help, but it helps MOST when I am very very clear about what I need. The things that are going on in my head are SO obvious to me, and it FEELS like he should be able to "read between the lines", but he can't. He only knows what I tell him. So, if I need an appointment, I have to ask for one. If I need him to tell me I'm okay, I need to ask for that (that was *my* most recent e-mail to T).

I SO understand about wishing T would initiate contact. My T only contacts me if *I* contact him first. We talked about it this summer when I "hinted" that I wanted him to call me and he didn't and I was angry. He said "you are an adult, and you can have your needs met, but you have to ask" and I asked him "well, don't you have adult friends that you call out of the blue when they're having a hard time?"...and he said yes, he does, but that THIS relationship is different. And it is. But the thing I do know is that he will ALWAYS meet my needs if I ask (and if he can). Having to learn to ask him for what I need has helped me learn to ask people outside of therapy to meet my needs as well - and has even helped me to figure out that I *have* needs - and that has been huge and good.

I'm sorry things are so hard right now I hope you are able to schedule an appointment to get the support that you need and deserve.