And I'm not sure if I ever will . . . but here goes.

My depression comes on me with no rhyme or reason. I'll be going along living my life, doing whatever I want to do or need to do and things are ok. Then, out of the blue . . . I'm miserable. And suddenly I am totally down on me, totally lonely, totally feeling like I'm a waste of air. And it's suddenly like that black cloud attaches itself to me and pushes everything else out of my mind and my life.

And then just as suddenly . . . it's gone. I'll do something tiny or have a thought of something very mundane, or I'll take a nap, or just anything and the black depression cloud has disappeared. And the bad thing is that I've tried to notice what I do that makes it go away so I can use that next time . . . ain't happening! If I try to do it . . . it's doesn't work. Totally!

Is this the way depression happens for others? It's been doing this to me for at least 20 years, altho I know I've experienced depression since I was a teenager (over 40 years ago).

Nope, not on meds for this. Not in therapy. Been there, done that, absolutely no $$$ to try again. NONE. And no, I'm not eligible for any help. And I really don't care to try again, because none of that helped before.

I guess that's enough sharing to get me started. If this gets approved, maybe I'll share more.

And by the way, I know it's with the best of intentions and what you may think is the right thing to say, but please, please, please don't start on me about needing to go get drugs or therapy or assstance to do those things. I know my situation . . . you don't. It didn't work before with numerous tries and there's no way for me to financially try again if I wanted to...which I don't. Thank you.