It can take a really long time with a good therapist when one has really early childhood problems. I so identify with what you are saying. I saw my therapist for 9 years and then didn't for 9 and then saw her again for another 9 years so consider myself to have been in therapy with her for about 30 years.

The need for a mother figure did lessen after my stepmother died in 2001 and lots of things changed and came together for me by the time my t and I both retired in 2005.