((((( Zoo ))))) I have been thinking about your post and I just answered one that I think may be similar to what could be going on with you. Maybe not... but something to consider?

I think that transference can happen at a very subconscious level.
When we are given support from our Ts - support we did not get as children - it can really make the past stand out. For the first time ever we are feeling the love and support while we are there in session with T. And that support can showcase what was missing from our relationships in the past.

When we are not in session, even though we still have connections with T, the stark contrast and knowing what we missed out on can really dampen our spirits. I think this may be a fallout of doing therapy. It is good in many ways because we can work through the pain of the past, but having to daily feel the holes the past left in us, well that can stink.

You said that when you are not in session, you do not feel your T there.
Does that feel familiar to you when you remember what your childhood felt like?

Just wanted to put this out there for you to maybe give you something to work through. BIG safe hugs to you!!!