A unexpected turn happened. Thursday evening I was let go of my job. No warning, no explanation, no anything. California is an at will state so nothing is required. Even though it was only a part time job, I was there for 3 years and loved it. I got excellent reviews.
While I was being asked to leave my boss SNAPPAED. She went completely unprofessional, accused me of irrational things, got in my face, ect. I sat there dumbfounded. My jaw dropped. Just at 4:30 the same day everything was fine, 7:00pm I was being fired. I took the abuse and when I got up to leave I said I wished her well and walked out. I was numb. I drove to a place so I could call my T. ( Husband was at a work event ). I paged her and she called back in less the 2 minutes.
I was crying so hard she had to keep asking me to repeat myself. I finally felt ok to drive home. My T. kept calling to check on me and then insisted I see her on Friday. She doesn't see patients on Friday and this made me feel incredibly guilty.
I was so glad I went in. I immeaditly broke down. She was amazing just by listening and letting me cry it out. The suicidal ideations we very intense as well. After some time, I was able to also bring up some of the other things I have been wanting to talk to her about. She said in no way is she ever going to leave me. She will always be there. I just wanted to run and have her hold me, but her words worked just as well. She asked me to promise her I would be safe this weekend. I promised. She is also calling me today and Sunday and then I see her again on Monday.
Even though I am crumbling inside for losing my job and the abusive I received, I am feeling a bit better about being more open with my T. She really saw a lot of my desperation yesterday. By no means was I perfect or even trying to be.
Thank you everyone for all your encouraging words. As I was opening up to her I was thanking each and eveyone of you from my heart.
I am trying to stay strong even though the depression is overwhelming and I am triggered back into my eating disorder. I feel with all the kind words from all of you and my T I can keep my head up!
<3 Much love to all of you.