Thank you SakuraLi....My behavior is even a mystery to me...Had I have been honest from the beginning things would be different now. I know this inability is rooted in some fear from my childhood, but never admitted as much because I am one that does not like to blame it on that. Nonetheless, who we are and how we act does come from that place ultimately.....fear.....My goal is to be able to express to her that my intentions were not to "replace" her, or carry on in an intimate affair....i just automatically felt guilty about talking to another woman is all, and my hiding and dishonesty made it appear to be more than what it actually was...i even dont understand it myself sometimes.....always had a problem communicating and expressing myself without guilt...without fears.....she wants me to be honest with her about this thing and i do not know what to say...because there was nothing there...just the fact that i hid it makes it bad and to move past it i feel i have to concoct something she wants to hear that is not true...just so she can accept it....im not that guy to screw around....i know i should have just been up-front about the whole thing , but i wasnt and so here we are.....