Thanks, everyone, for your feedback. I have a lot to think about. I do know that this is causing me a LOT of turmoil. I am going to try to be as honest as I can with T. I made him aware of what it stirs up in me as far as wanting to please, not feeling good enough, etc. But I'm finding that there's a whole lot more to this.....

I do believe that his intentions are genuine...and he was clear when he asked me for my expertise about this project, that he didn't want to add any pressure and to only do it if it is enjoyable and constructive for me, or else it wouldn't be worth it to him.

Little did I know, it was going to stir up so much for me. UGH. If it was another time, another place, another situation....but the reality is, he is my T.

There was a time in the past when he was really trying to get me to push myself to get out of my current job situation, because of the abusive environment - and he said that once he got his side project up and running, he would have a job for me. He said that I have so much potential to do great things. So, I do believe his actions are coming from a place of caring.

The code of ethics are a tricky topic. Although dual relationships seem to be frowned upon, there are instances where it is acceptable. Of course, it cannot be to the detriment of the client/T relationship which is of the utmost importance....And I can already see that it's affecting me - big time.

Hopefully, we'll be able to use this to help me with the hurdle of my own self-esteem issues....my constant quest to please people, satisfy people, feel worthy (without getting it from within)...and then my fears of letting people down, not being good enough, etc...and then the ANTs that come from within the deepest parts of me, telling me how I'm a failure, just a joke, that people just tolerate me, I have nothing of value, I'm worthless, have no talent, etc.