I wrote this email to T just now (but didn't send it. Didn't even address it because I'm paranoid I'll accidentally click send, lol). But in it I said, I want to quit, basically.

Maybe, if I'm in the email writing mood, now would be a time for to send her an email about this stuff I've talked about in this thread? Maybe I just need to tell her that stuff. Maybe I'll feel better knowing she knows and being able to tell her from the safety and relative distance of email.

Maybe I need to say, this is what's on my mind. This is what I can't say when I'm sitting in your office. This is what I need to talk about and don't know how.

Crap. It's scary.