There proberbly are others like me, but normally I've found people are the other way around from me. I'm talking about Love and anger, I won't say Love and hate because I've never felt hate to be Loves oppersite, indifference is the oppersite of love, but what am I talking about? well I grew up in a angry household, it was allowed, maybe met with more anger, but no one stopped being angry, so I'm not looking for someone to be angry with, I've always been looking for someone to love. Strange I remember T saying once that that some people need to fill the therapy space with anger others need it filled with being cared for.

Anyways I've so badly wanted to find someone to accept my love, and I was at family party yesterday and as I sat in a room with mainly people I didnt recognise (hubbys inlaws) I kept myself comforted with thoughts of my love for T. In the past a room full of people would have been an oppertunity for me to find that special someone, dont ask me how that wounded dance went with this, especially before I gave up alcohol, there I'd be like some wounded banjee but really what I was screaming was is there someone safe here to love.

This not having found a safe base for my love kept me restless, kept me searching, now? I feel more whole, more able to just be me in a room full of strangers because there was nothing I needed, I've got it, memorys of having given my love and it been accepted, lovely!

I've always wanted love, but was pre-wired for anger, I feel like an anger junkie that needed its fix, but the addiction wasn't who I was, underneath the anger is love, but so afraid to allow it to be, so I've raped it, murdered it, tortured it.

Sitting with thoughts of love is priceless!