My husband told me something shocking last night, yet part of me was having a feeling he would say it.

He wants a separation and might need a divorce.

I understand how he feels, though.

I have a best friend who is male, Ani.

The three of us hang out all the time.

However, last night, Dane snapped.

He got very very upset as he observed me and Ani interacting.

We were not being romantic, but we were connecting and joking around.

Dane suddenly goes, "Jencarlene! Maybe you should be with him! You guys relate so much better than you and I do! I feel so left out when I see you guys connecting! You aren't afraid of him, but you are afraid of me. You don't want to eat in front of me; you freak out when I come into the room while you are eating! Why?! And you push me away when I reach out to you, unless you are feeling lovey dovey and romantic! When you are in a cr*ppy mood, you go to Ani!

WTF?!

Why can't you relate to ME that way?!"

I completely understand.

I still hold myself back from Dane.

I open up to Ani.

But I don't want Ani as a husband!

I want Dane!

And I want to work things out!

But he's so jealous.

Not just of Ani, but of my women friends, too!

He wants to be "the one".

He is!

But I also need my friends!

I can't have an isolated, pinioned life as a married woman!

I feel like I also might need the divorce!

But we still love each other.

We got married too fast and we dont' wanna get a divorce too fast.

We are now separated.

I can't sleep.

I feel like a total horrible failure.

Another note: I got married to Dane right after my aunt died. Maybe I shouldn't have.

Billi