SakuraLi

I'm sorry you feel we have been hard on you. Sometimes it's very hard to get across one's thoughts and ideas on the Internet without appearing to be positive/negative. I know I still have trouble telling the difference between people's observations and criticism. I don't want you to feel bad.

Part of what I see with how you "deal" with your "withdrawing" boyfriend is how you seem to label people and situations.

I quoted your first sentence above because it seems you have a routine way of handling things in your head, before you even have a situation to "apply" your rules to? I think it is limiting and less enjoyable for you if you have a "list of ways" to deal when each situation when you and another person are changing constantly and each situation different from any other situation.

In the second sentence I quoted, it would appear you know how "mentally well men" behave? By teaching yourself to see your boyfriend as "mentally unwell" as if there is some actual standard we could base our behavior on that would fit in all situations for all people and could be judged well/unwell, I think you limit experiencing your boyfriend fully and helping him and yourself have a better relationship.

I don't know that you needed to "research" your boyfriend's illness at all, much less sooner. You have a relationship with him that is about you and him and has nothing whatsoever to do with any illness he may/may not have. It is a little like deciding a person with a broken arm can't hike up a mountain because he doesn't have both arms and legs to help himself with and might have difficulties. One can't know what a particular person with a broken arm can/cannot do based on what someone else "like" him did or didn't do. I'm sure you have seen the TV shows/videos of blind people skiing and the guy with no legs who runs marathons, etc. http://www.marathonchamp.com/about/qa/

You imply that your boyfriend has specifically asked for and needs emotional support and that you do not get anything in return? It reads like a "burden" to you; how hard it is to support him AND yourself. Yes, I guarantee everyone at this site knows it is very difficult to take care of/support one's self, period.

That's what we have come here to get support for, ourselves. I don't think many here can help you with your taking on your boyfriend's problems though. You see your boyfriend as "withdrawing" and want to be "effective" in your "dealing" with him. He's not a thing or situation to deal with; he's a person to relate to and we here don't know him, we can only relate to you! You sound like a very caring person. I would like to see you care for yourself so situations in your life don't hurt you or aren't as difficult. I think some of how you view things may make situations harder for you than they need to be.