I finely found out why those within do not want to go to the church no more after going there for over a year those that we talk to and enjoy their company still at times do not talk to us. This is only until we aknowledge them but it does hurt. The sad part it is these very people that are helping us get our service dog and keeping up with the requirements to keep this apartment. Those within are tired for when they do this it makes those within feel like we have to talk to those that have hurt us just to have someone to talk with.
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When we approach them they act out in surprise as if they can not believe that we remember who they are. So now I am wondering now that we took the lunge and talked with a therapist and the pastor if when we were talking about the people that we are afraid of. If they had made it all encompassing. To go for all. We know that we try our best not to talk to those that hurt us but what if those that have hurt us are making them believe that what we say goes for the good people too.
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If the few that we go to talk to and be with shun us like we shun those that have hurt us then we really have no reason to go there but to sit in a crowd and be more alone.\
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After all this time to have the few that we thought we could trust still act like they do not know us. They are hurting us just as much as the ones that have hurt us and come to church just to make us have panic attacks just to say I told you so.
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After all this time we choice to stay at this church because those that have hurt us ran us out of all the places that we use to go. We can not even go to stores or the library for long out of fear that we will see some one that has hurt us and that they may try to hurt us again. So when the few that we know and think we can trust act like they do not want to talk to us then those within get hurt and scared that they may not be there for us if one of those that hurt us come up to us.
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Does that make scenes? An animal does not care what others say but a human can be tricked sooner then a dog.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by anderson
we are trying but the church was the last place in public that we could go and feel safe with a few people. we are just sad cause we do not know what to do. we have so few people that we can just sit and talk to that this last round hurt us alot. we know that all the times that we acted out to stop people from hurting us is what they are still using againts us. all those within are just feeling all the pain of things that have happened. We are in our apartment enjoying waching the world out side our window then we remember that we are not wanted in it then we start crying again. does that make sense?
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Sometimes the only way to find freedom is to fight for it, even unto death! Because no form of abuse transcends pass it! To live free and with hope is still the greatest gift of life!- anderson .gif "Boy Angel")
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