Quote:
Originally Posted by LittleForgetMeNot
...It's stressing me out.. scares me half the time that one of these moods will break the promise I made (I was forbidden from talking to him as on Friday he blamed their first break up on me and threatened to kill me o.O) and go look for him. He is long-distance, so in the physical sense I can't do anything, but numerous times a day I check his fb and die a little as I see him and his new gf who is my ex bestfriend flirt and such.. but I can't stop.
I feel as though he'll come back any moment and talk to me again like he always did.. yes this has happened before and inside I really hate him, I disliked a lot of things about him and we were quite dysfunctional but I loved him too anyway and no matter how much self-convincing I do it doesn't change a thing  |
((LittleForgetMeNot))
I know that it takes a lot of self-control to give your ex some space. Some determination, and resiliance.
You are young ~ which makes it more challenging. But you DO have some control over your behavior. Personally, I'm very rigid (which can be an advantage in situations like these). I recommend using a rigid state of mind to get you through and out of this pattern you've fallen into.
Your ex is a jerk. He's abusive. That is not going to change, no matter how long you are apart. You, therefore, really need to focus on being alone & finding something positive to look more closely into.
IT's a HUGE challenge, I know. But, moving onto another man in your life, rather than the ex bf, isn't healthy either. It's more likely that the new man shares some of the characteristics that your ex carries, which frequently leads to another abusive relationship. It is not worth the gamble.
You are a good human being. You deserve love. You deserve respect. You deserve care. Not just some of the time. All of the time! You need to find that beautiful, innocent little girl inside of yourself, and take care of her. Joining a support group may help you re-build your emotional strength. Seeing a T, to discuss the cycle, and find other ways is another big recommendation. I wish you the best!
Gentle hugs to you
