Thank you all so much for the hugs and support. Today was an okay day because I was around a friend. We went on a walk on a little nature trail near her house, and we watched a movie on Netflix instant called "Neverwas" - an awesome movie by the way. Today was a good distraction. Now I am home again and all the emotions are swelling up inside again but that's okay. I'm taking a bath in a minute, with a candle lit.. I just have to be gentle with myself right now. Do these soothing rituals, try to keep breathing.

Thank you for those of you who are reminding me of my strength. I don't feel strong but I guess there is strength in letting go. I just really really really wanted to handle this gracefully, to solidify the meaning of the relationship I had with my T, so I am determined to use the things she has taught me right now so that I can get through this. I want the lessons I have learned from her to echo in my life for years to come, to expand and grow and become more and more real and solid and a part of me. And I strongly believe that the ending is the most important part.

I just want so much for what we had to end well. It makes all the difference in the world.

T sent me an email that said my cookies were delicious, and she thanked me for them. She didn't have to do that. It made my heart swell up with joy and sorrow. I am so glad she is enjoying the cookies. But now I wish I could see her again, just one last time. I just replied, "Thanks for this. Glad you enjoyed them! Wishing you strength and energy for your big move, J."

I'm sorry if this thread is triggering to some.. Hugs to you all. I know you will be able to get through the pain when the time comes.