Last year, after a terribly long and hard previous year, I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. This past year has been riddled with radiation, chemotherapy, doctors appointments..yadda, yadda, yadda. I am my sole bread winner, so in addition to all of this i have worked through this entire time and it hasn't been easy. I have a colonoscopy scheduled Nov 3, because I have some really heavy rectal bleeding..which is scaring me. Whatever is going on is not normal and none of this was happening while I was undergoing treatments...so the fear is that we are on the doorstep of more cancer forming...and they have already told me that if this happens, that there will be nothing that they can do about it. My employer has been really good to me. I have been so blessed by having their support and I want to make it clear that I realize how fortunate and thankful that I am. Im writing here,today, because I am so angry at my employer...and I feel so guilty..for feeling the anger. I am in retail sales and I work on a sales floor with about 9 other people. With the slow economy it has been very slow at work so they are a little overstaffed. They hired 2 more people 2 weeks ago and my supervisor, while complaining about them hiring new people informed me that when she made the new schedule that I would be working 5 days a week instead of 4. I told her that with my doctor appointments that I didnt think that it would work for me and went into more detail about it. when she made the schedule Im sure she felt that her compromise was enough. She gave me three days off as I said I needed, but the schedule is so crazy that I get exhausted just thinking about it. One week I work a day.. off a day. work another day... off two days. The next week is the same, just shifted days. My schedule before was Friday thru Monday, oFF Tues, Wed,Thurs. This was easy for me because I could make doctor appointments months out...and know my schedule. I could work 4 days and go home and really recover. Trust me, after 3 days of working Im nearly catatonic...so the recovery time did the trick. My employer is SO greedy. I am the number 1 writer at the store. I work 32 hours a week and write more than the others at 50 hours a week. The reason that i have been able to maintain this, is because my schedule has allowed me to take care of everything...and rest... recover. With this new schedule I just dont see it happening. In addition to this... I work 100% commission and when my work schedule is topsy turvy then my customers cannot figure out when Im there and i end up losing half of my income because if Im not there when they come in...the sale either gets stolen from me or I only get paid 1/2 . With the other schedule it was very easy for peope to remember.... I work Friday, Sat, Sun, Mon. Anyway... I am so damn angry about this schedule change. They tell me it is because we have 2 people that they cannot depend on... so they need to schedule around them so that if they call out, they will still have coverage. I want to scream..."this is not my problem." Why does my world have to be turned upside down instead of them addressing the issue with the people that are the PROBLEM! I am just not ready to have my world turned upside down. I need to have harmony in my daily pace and I know that even If u have no health issues...a retail work schedule with crazy inconsistencies makes a person just not feel their best. God.. Im getting angry just typing about it. I can barely look at my supervisors and bosses. IT makes me so angry. On the other hand I know how blessed I Am. How fortuante I am, I have a job that Im very good at. I can work 32 hours a week and manage to make about 35.00 per hour. I have good benefits and am just plain blessed to have a job at all. Last week a man came in to fill out an application and he was crying...can u imagine this? Am I spoiled? What is wrong with me that I cannot shake this anger? I even have fleeting thoughts of looking for employment elsewhere. I feel so guilty...angry...ashamed...sad...mad....the all of it.