I had a dual relationship with my T, but it was a dual professional relationship rather than 1 professional (therapy) plus 1 social (church). First he was just my T, then we added the second role, then after 2 years, that was done, so we went back to just T. It worked out pretty well, although there were a couple of bumps along the way. The important thing was to keep the communication open and talk about it if problems were coming up. The thing that was a little bumpy for me was confidentiality issues. We talked about that several times and tried the best we could, but sometimes it did get to me. What I did like about the second relationship was that I saw my T outside the therapy office and I liked seeing him in a different context. I wondered at first if he would be different outside of his office, but he was just that same! I liked that. It gave me a lot of faith in his authenticity in session--he really was who seemed to be! I also liked seeing him interact with other people, which also made him seem more like a normal guy, rather than a special therapist dude. I was also concerned that I wouldn't know how to "be" with him outside of therapy. It actually concerned me a lot and I wasn't sure I could do it. So one day (unbeknownst to my T), I did a kind of trial run. I went outside of the office with T--we walked together to his car to get something. I jumped at the chance to do this. I realized that as I walked alongside him, he and I were just the way we always were. I knew how to "be" with him--I was just with him the way I was in his office. So I found out I was being authentic too. I guess it all sounds a little silly, but that walk to his car and how I felt while doing that convinced me I should proceed with the dual professional relationship.

I used to try to keep the roles really separate, but that wasn't such a big deal for my T. Sometimes I would say to him when I went to see him for therapy, are you my therapist today or in your other role? He always wanted to know what I meant. I just wanted to know who I was talking to--that was all. I would tell different things to my therapist than I would to the other guy. My asking him that question cued him into the fact that I wanted my therapist that day! I also liked to keep the money separate for the two roles, but he just mixed it together. I guess it was OK.

So for me, what helped us was to be sure and talk about any glitches that came up around the arrangement. Don't let them stew inside, because then they can get a lot bigger and create problems. And I tried to keep the two roles as separate as possible, which I found helpful.

Good luck. It sounds like you and your T handle it pretty well.