At the moment there is no one I see on a regular basis that isn't connected to my family or my friends in anyway.

I don't know about nurses, but I know that we have guidance counselors. However, all my life I HAVE had Child services talking to me, setting me up with counselors and bringing in people, but they either stopped the appointments, or they would yell at me.. literally, I was brought to tears because one of the people they brought in just kept yelling at me..

My Dad, while we had the Children's AID workers come, would sugar coat EVERYTHING and they only ever spoke to me alone once, when I was 8. My Dad, though trying to help, isn't sportive of me at all when it comes to third party help and it puts me off looking. When I asked him to help me find a psychologist or psychiatrist he just questioned me, unconvinced that they could do anything for me besides put me on medication which isn't what either of us want.

My Dad kind of shooed the workers away, when I was doing good in school a few months ago. I watched the woman leave feeling really horrible inside while my Dad was happy they were finally gone. I knew my problems weren't fixed yet, but she was lead to believe, by my dad, that it was.

The last person I have is the 27 year old woman who I'm in the big sister/ little sister program with. She is more of an outsider in the whole thing and I'm sure i mentioned before works with girls in group homes who suffer with similar issues.. the thing though is that I see her twice or three times in a year and that's just about it. She's not around enough to help..

I know I'm capable of finding help for myself.. but depression makes me not wanna go to school or really talk about it to people in real life. Plus it's not like I can just walk into my office and say I'm depressed and need someone to talk to, can I? The only way that would happen is if I stopped by AFTER school.. but I would need to come with my Dad and it would probably turn out really bad.