Madisgram, Sorry you are going through a rough time right now. you are not alone in it. Not at all. Because you have your pc family. If you ever want support, I am here.

Sundog, That book sounds interesting. I have haard that the body is hardwired to stay alive whenever possible. But I have not heard that "our brains are hardwired to register negative experiences over positive experiences" I also did not know that CBT is treatment for self loathing. I know its treatment for many anxiety related conditions. Agoraphobia amongst the most well known. you said you are making a conscious effort to notice and write down good things. Well, I would bet that practce could get you further than most things anyone could try. Just a guess. Especially if its combined with other things as well.

Gabu, heres a mantra for you " its not my fault ommmmmmmm" Okay the ommm part is a joke. but the rest of it is is said with great sincerity. Its not your fault !! You wrote "but getting $2 a week regardless whether I do it or not but getting criticized whenever I don't clean something good enough at 19 is kind of ridiculous when I could just go out and get a job." Just curious, is that really a possibility? Going out and getting a job? For some it is. For others it is not.

Okay, I am rambling on. Thanks for all the great words everyone. I just am very curious about how other people handle this. I feel so beaten up with it. Been a lot of years.