well i can finally post what i wanted to friday-virus protector was on the blink, got that fixed, and here i am.
i've been having a real long time of depression latey and knew i should post. at least you all understand me better than irl friends but for a few. i don't say i'm bipolar except to ppl i really trust to know this about me. i'm not ashamed of it, just know how many ppl immediately place a label on you if you tell. then everything is about your bipolar or depression. i don't have mania in the true sense, just hypomania. that was what started this recent state i've been in for over a month. up all night cause i was so agitated etc. so no sleep at first. from that i fell into a deep depression. i know what triggered it-family-but it doesn't make it any easier to pull myself out of this. seeing my T as often as she can see me...about every 3rd week which doesn't help since right now i need to move in with her to get myself back on track.
went to a mental health hospital emergency room for help and wasn't even seen by a pdoc...which was definitely in order. they sent a fax over to my pdoc for outpatient treatment. he refused cause he said the hospital should have made the assessment but pdoc failed to call and let me know. then i called him due to how low the depression was and told them how serious it was. instead of working me in they said next available appt. is late november!!! so not only do i feel alone right now but even my pdoc doesn't seem to care either. i've never had this happen to me before. i mean i was/am in serious dire straits.
so i'm posting this to vent and i don't know what else cause you all can't get me out of this chemical imbalance any more than i can. i upped my lexapro-it helped some- to help me and then pdoc's lady said he was afraid of my liver enzymes going thru the roof but did he see me...NO!!! so i ask you now what else was i supposed to do? i don't know...but after i see him in november i'm scheduling myself with someone else. will file a complaint with the powers that be. but the only thing i'm doing right now is just hanging on...worse period of depression in 20 years. now i remember why i was so sick back then. it tends to soften if one is not reminded how awful it feels. well now i'm completely reminded.
any thoughts all? and i could use a few hugs, please.
sorry for the long post...just needed to vent..