My relationship with my t feels close, but it has been very slow in coming. I've had alot of transference, push-pull, and strong defenses to overcome. I've been in t with her for over 10 years, and it has only been in the last 1 or 2 years that i am starting to feel a secure attachment with her.

My t will hug me or hold my hand if i ask her to, but for years, she wouldn't do it because she feared that it would trigger my past SA. She finally realized it was far more damaging to me to withhold needed comfort when i was in extreme pain. I find that i don't need a hug very often, a little goes a long way. Rather than wanting more and more, it's actually difficult for me to allow myself to have the comfort. But it's helping me slowly to learn how to accept safe touch, and having that comfort from time to time is helping me move forward in the work, rather than the crashing-and-burning i used to always do when my pain overwhelmed my coping stategies.

I've always been able to email her, although she doesn't really like email. I rarely call her, though i do have her cell phone number i can use if an emergency comes up. She is OK with me bringing her a gift in the form of my veggies from my garden, and I have given her poems and cards. She has brought in a little snack once or twice to share with me.

She plans to retire in the next year or two and says that with long-term therapy, there is attachment on both sides and termination is hard for both parties. We've talked a little bit about what will happen to our relationship when she retires. I don't know if i will ever see her again, which makes me feel extremely sad. But she says it would be OK with her for us to have limited phone contact, such as a monthly check-in call. She told me she will always be interested to know how i'm doing.