Hey Jilliebean,

I can relate. I have a hard time with my dual relationship with my T. His wife is the Big Boss at work. He was my T first. I got the rude awakening when I got an invitation for a work party that was at T's house!

We struggled to communicate about the issue. For T, it was no big deal. We are in a small town where he is very active therefore it was nothing new to him to be in a dual relationship. I went out of my way to avoid all the places where I might run into conflicts and ended up right in the middle of one for my first go at therapy. I was angry that he didn't seem to understand or sympathize about what I was going through with the whole ordeal. I wanted massive reassurance about confidentiality issues and T wasn't too convincing, rather he seemed to be annoyed with my struggle.

We managed to make it through. I didn't go to the party at his house, but I saw him at another one and it was okay. I wasn't thrilled, I'll tell ya, but what can you do? I'm like you in that I don't want to switch Ts. He got *somewhat* more understanding after a heated discussion about it, but honestly, I don't feel like it would be comfortable to bring it up again.

It is weird to US, whether or not it is to them. I have to contemplate things that I wouldn't have contemplated until much later in therapy: his relationship with his wife, his lifestyle, his hobbies (they have come up in overheard discussions at work), even his charitable contributions! I know what his emergency was the last time he cancelled. It ends up being a lot of information you wouldn't normally have about your T.

I'm sure I will be on here during the holiday party season, lol. Maybe it will get better over time, but it is definitely an issue for me now. It's nice that you can talk to your T about your feelings about it. Count yourself lucky. Though I understand it would be a big deal to see your T on the outside week in and week out. It's hard enough seeing T's wife weekly!