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I've anyways felt responsible for her happiness.

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Oh yes, I know that feeling. Know it too too well. I've no answers for you in your situation, but for me I am trying to learn to put me first SOME of the time (as opposed to never). I'm also trying to create a little bit of emotional distance. So listen and respond to what she may say, but I try to remind myself that it is her stuff not my stuff. I can't change the way she is. I can listen, I can suggest, I can sympathise - but that is all I can do. I can't change the way she feels.

But it isn't easy and I haven't got there by any means. Like you, my mum can push all my buttons and I still feel somewhat responsible for her feelings.

I agree with what kimmy said - try to give yourself some care.

Caroline