Thanks guys. It is unbelievably wonderful to be able to share all this with people who understand what I am going through. I am still trying but I agree Kacey.. I need a T right now to help me out. I see the new T on Wednesday for the first time.

Today I was back at work and it was such a stressful day. There is a lot of tension between me and one of my coworkers (she is lazy and tries to push work off on me), plus I hate my boss, and in the midst of my sadness it is just a bit too much to take. I cried a little at my desk at work but most of the day I was just numb. Now I'm at home and I can feel in my body the impact this is having on me. I will try to use my skills still and try to let myself feel the way I feel without pushing this away. Please everyone remind me to take care of myself if I start to slip off. I can feel my momentum dying and I want to try to keep it alive. I'm glad I'm noticing this because I usually just mindlessly drift into self-destruction. I think this thread is helping me stay mindful to how I am reacting to T leaving. So I will try to eat at least some sort of healthy dinner tonight, and get at least a little bit of exercise. I'm going over to a friend's tonight to work on my grad school applications while she does homework. This friend is really good and supportive. It should be an okay night.

The thing that I think is going to help me the most is to consider my self-care efforts to be a sort of tribute to my T. A private show of gratitude. When I don't want to do it for myself, I will do it to keep her alive in me. Her lessons will always be with me, if I continue to use them.