I really have an idea of how you feel. My husband would tell me how stupid could I be and would be jealous of any male friends. My male boss thought it best, too, that we not speak to each other outside of work because of my husband's jealousy. What I really want to say is, don't be too quick to end things. It could very well be true that you may have never really loved him, but if you end things now without trying to enlist more help you will always wonder "what if". Have the two of you ever gone to counseling? If you don't have the right "feel" for the therapist, try someone new. They are all going to be different from each other. Chances are, you probably already know somebody who has been through counseling for relationship or other reasons and might be able to recommend a good therapist. It sounds like you and your husband both have problems to work out. I don't like his threat about committing suicide if you leave. By saying that he is using your emotions to win and keep you. You stay because you would feel tremendous guilt if anything really did happen, right? You also stay and hope for better. And the cycle continues. Counseling can be expensive if not covered on insurance, but still consider it. There are alternatives for people in this situation. Some places offer sliding scales (many but not all are charity or social service organizations), or perhaps contacting your church if you have one. The pastors may talk to you, or there may even be other members of the church specially trained to talk--confidentially--to people having troubles. And of course, that is all free! I don't know how religious you might be, and I'm not someone who is all crazy about it, but just having religion can often help in one way or another as well. In fact, I just read an article online yesterday about that. I hope you have a great outcome with everything!