Thanks Jewels - it sure has been a rough patch. I really am fortunate to have my frend - mentor really - say to me "I will be your call-in-the-night person; everyone needs one." I always feel bad about waking her, and only call when i really am fully out of options. I thanked her again this morning via email and she thanked me for trusting her @_@ that was new to me.
hope you are alright out there too.
kiya