I really appreciate what you had to say, man I can really relate I don't know what I am feeling most of the time. And by the time I do feel what I am feeling it is like ten fold, what I mean is I feel the emotion or feeling more intensely. For me the bad behaviors ( cutting and drinking) for me it is like it brings me back to reality and it relaxes me I do not understand this at all and it scares me sometimes. I know that these habits are not good for me and that they can be really harmful for me. I know that therapy and trying to talk and learn what I am feeling is going to be a long road and hopefully it will be worth it. Thanks again it really got me thinking.