((((((Deli))))))) Sometimes a T just doesn't use their words the right way. Urrrrrr.
I had my college T tell me "I think you stay in these situations becuase you don't want change. You wouldn't know how to live a happy life." ---
I avoided him for a month after that~!! I hated him more than I hated anyone in the universe!!!

I finally went back to see him because he made me (or I would have been kicked out of college) and I was sitting there with my arms crossed. He told me that he knew why I was mad at him - I was like "So tell me! Why I hate you!" Then he told me it was because of what he said. I called him "brilliant" and glared at him. Then he told me what he was trying to say. And he said he was letting me "stew" because he wanted to see if I would figure it out for myself but figured I needed help with that too- (( duh! Hello! ))

He told me that sometimes when a person grows up in abuse, that is all they know. They understand fear and running. If someone is mad at them, they get it. They live with the expectation that the world will crash in around them at any given chance. And that was how he saw me living my life. He said it was not something "bad" I was doing, just the result of growing up in a chronically abusive situation.

He said that what he was trying to get me to see what that I really never knew what it felt like to be "normal" - to not always be looking over my shoulder or ready to duck and cover. He said that whenever I did find a healthy relationship, that I was subconsciously doing something to destroy it because it "felt off" for me. My mind said "This is going to end very badly anyway. They are obviously hiding something. They will hurt me in the long run." With that belief system, I would see problems where there really were no problems. My friend might be having a hard day and get cross with me, but I would destroy the entire friendship rather than be able to talk with them about what was said.

He told me that my mind was trying to fight to keep what it knew. I didn't know how to deal with healthy relationships because I never had one before. And when things would start to be "normal" in the home situation, I was always looking out for something bad to happen. I didn't know how to live in a state of peace at home.

He said there were things I could do to get myself on a more solid footing in life, but I was terrified of the changes I would have to make. He was spot-on. I knew how to have an enemy. But I didn't know how to have a friend.

Just wanted to share this with you because I do understand how frustating comments like that can be for a client!