I posted this in the intros, but then I realized it would probably actually be seen here, and I need someone to read this before I go even crazier.

Hello, My name is Amber

I love forums like this where I can come and talk to people in a non-judgemental, understanding environment. In the past 6 or 7 years, I have been a member of many of them. I have been okay for awhile, and not needed them anymore, until **** hit the fan so to say. This is why I am here.

I almost just don't know what to post and where to post them. I have so many issues, I don't feel like I belong in any one place on this site.

I am a 20 year old married college senior (Psych major). My husband and I have been together for 5 years.

I have had problems with anxiety and depression for many many years, once I "stopped" cutting in high school - I tried to ignore the milder symptoms. I have done fairly well for a person "ignoring" their mental illnesses. Only every once in a while did I regress to suicidal thoughts and/or cutting.
When I began college over 3 years ago now, my anxiety issues really started to get more serious, with me avoiding classes and avoiding my professors because of it - terrified of their reactions. I gave many excuses to myself, and many more to avoid getting it looked at.

I also believe very strongly that I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder. I always felt it would be silly to go to a professional and tell them what I have though. I absolutely know I do though. I have almost every symptom to a severe degree.

Now we get to present day. All of these issues have been alive and running rampant in me for years.
Now I deal with these more recent issues:
My grandmother has been very very sick.
My parents who have been together for ~25 years are divorcing.
My dog had to be put down.
and other smaller life issues.

My problems with depression, anxiety, and even my Borderline Traits (such as anger outbursts) have gotten very severe. I haven't been to classes in 6 weeks. I sleep around 18 hours a day. If my husband didn't have the same employer as me and cover my shifts, I would have lost my job already. When I am awake, I'm always worried and constantly freaking out about failing out of school. Yet, I can't bring myself to leave the house. The only time I get some peace is from pot - which has become my coping method to keep myself from cutting (because that would really upset my husband, and I already pull him down enough).

Now I know I need help, and I just can't do it myself anymore. So I made an appointment at the counseling center at my school. Oh yeah, but they can't get me in until 11/12.

SO, now I wait for the help that I desperately need, and wonder how I'm going to survive flunking out of college in my senior year. How to explain to everyone why it happened, when no one really knows how bad its been. I just need help because I have almost no strength to help myself in any way right now. I just can't climb out this hole.

If you actually read all of this- thank you. I know it is kind of rant-y, but I really needed to get it all out.