When I see T's other clients, my very existence feels threatened... not so much jealousy but the feeling of being pushed away or put aside.

"Improving"-- a few posts above, voiced things well for my mindset also--
"I find it very difficult in general to understand where what T is giving me comes from. "....... Me too. Where does that giving and thoughtfulness come from???? how can it be real??.... it's sure not what I grew to know what the world was like.

I get concerned that T.(not just the one I see but any T.) will not be able to cope with so much and so many and that could then result in my needing to leave/dissappear. and also that I will not be seen as very worthwhile and a huge burden compared to the other clients that perhaps T. has much more special connections with and feel less burdensome around.

ugh... it's very difficult to see the other clients-- but--
if I didn't, then I think it would keep me in a more fantasy type world and I think that would be even worse, as I'd not have to confront some of this "junk" that is a part of me.

fins