deli, when austin-t asked you to keep the door open a little was he talking about the front door or an inside door like to your bedroom? i'm asking because if he's suggesting to keep the front door open and expecting you to eventually feel safe that may be rather unrealistic in this world we live in. if it's an inside door then it does make more sense. have you ever considered taking a self-defense class or martial arts so you would feel safer in your own place? i know that is something one has to be ready to do so as not to get triggered there, and maybe you're not ready yet, but it could be something to consider in the future if you've never done it. it could give you a real sense of your own power.