so things have been better the last week with my husband. unfortunately i still miss the other man. i am so mad at him for not supporting me when i was talking about leaving my husband. i would have started a new life with him and he was too upset about the prospect of loosing my husbands friendship. we haven't spoken in 2 weeks. while thing are better at home my husband hasn't said whether he actually want to stay with me or what he sees for our future. i don't want to push things because if he asks me i'm not sure yet. i'm so afraid of being alone... it was harder being alone with him around, but he seems to be trying. unfortunately his depression is getting worse and so has mine. i've upped my meds and am seeing a T, but last week he and i went together and i missed out on my own session.

sometimes i think it is easier just to stay with him. it hurts to think of life without him but i still don't feel in love with him. we've gone back to trying to have sex, but neither of us find it particular fulfilling. i'm starting a new job tomorrow. i'm really nervous. my depression had made me really anxious and distracted. i hope i can pay attention.