 Hello, meinrealife, and welcome to PC. Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of it right now. I get the impression that you're fairly young compared to me (I'm 60), so I can tell you that the only thing constant in life is change - in other words, every day you have opportunities to change yourself and your life, so don't give up before you've even given yourself a fair chance to be the person you want to become and have the kind of life you desire.
Try to hink of these rough spots as training - they're not pleasant, but they really do help to prepare you for what lies ahead. I'm afraid it's a learn-as-you-go type of thing - on-the-job training - and it may help to look at it that way. No one gets it all 100% perfect right out of the gate - it takes time and experience - so allow yourself the time to gain the experience. More than likely, you will find that the old saying is very true - when one door closes, another one opens.
There are many caring and supportive people here on PC, so keep posting and reaching out - we'll be here for you.  lynn09
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"I walked a mile with Pleasure; she chattered all the way, But left me none the wiser for all she had to say. I walked a mile with Sorrow and ne'er a word said she; But oh, the things I learned from her when Sorrow walked with me!"
(Robert Browning Hamilton; "Along The Road")
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