Yes, Sannah, I have a therapist and am currently on numerous psychotropic drugs to make me "sane." I'm trying to do the right things. But the effectiveness of the medications and therapy seems to be indeterminate. All I have is a long, long list of things that *don't* work. So, I have reached the conclusion that I am just as bad as--if not worse than--my so-called "abuser." One might think that I would welcome a rebuttal of such a belief, but I cling to it. Mercy is such a strange concept to me. And I can't seem to forgive, not only my brother, but also myself for being (as I view myself) a sin against nature. I don't know if this denial or what it is. All I know is that I waited close to a decade for someone to believe me, and once I found that person, I turned on them. It doesn't even make sense. Maybe I'm too far gone. Maybe I'm beyond help.