Today was my second appointment. so it was more of the 'what have you been up to and how are you feeling' conversation. nothing deep really. I know it's necessary to establish the relationship and work our way down to the deeper issues, but it feels like such a waste of time.

and yet, even though this is the 'easy' part, it's still hard for me. it's hard to talk about how I feel and I find myself avoiding answering that when she asks me. I talk mostly about what I've been doing and such. then when she asks me more directly about days that I've felt really depressed or suicidal, I find I can't even remember. I know I've had them, or I think I do.. but I feel very detached from it. like I have a friend who was depressed, but I'm ok. it's very weird.

I feel like I don't even know how to talk to her. it's rather annoying. I don't want to waste my time or hers... I hope that in the next couple weeks I can participate more without so much of a struggle to open up.