Yes, 5 years is a long relationship.. too long to stay in a relationship that is abusive. don't waste any more years on someone who hurts you!

I certainly understand how you can love someone who hurts you, but if they are not changing their ways (and I mean actively changing them, not just saying they will do better), then they are a waste of time. There are so many other people out there who will treat you so much better.

I know leaving is hard. Change is hard. But you can do it. Start slow, with Sunny's suggestions, but do start. You will be so much better off.

Sending you lots of love and strength and courage.