someone's going to laugh at me for this, and that's ok. Laugh.
But after I posted I thought about how many times, many many times, my T has said "call me if you want to or need to." So, I called her.

I said, I'm ok and I'm home and I just wanted to talk to you. I've never done that before, called her without a specific reason. She was like "Ok! I'm here." And then I said stuff and she said stuff and I cried and she was quiet and soothing and said it'll get better. That is has gotten better, and I can look back on my diary cards and see that. And that it will keep getting better. And I said thank you and cried again and she said "do something soothing and go to bed. You're doing this, one step at a time. We're doing this together."

and so. I'm going to do something soothing and go to bed. And I can still call T tomorrow if I want to, lol.