a few months ago my friend killed herself by jumping off a bridge well i feel like when she jumped i jumped with her i have been so down ever since i havent been sleeping so good my T put me on meds but i was scared so i stopped taking them i find myself working so much just so that i can ignor the feelings i refuse to cry i refuse to think about anything other than work i make myself busy so i can push this stuff down she has been burried for almost 5 months now and so have i its been so bad i stopped going to T for 2 months i just started going back but i feel like there is no hope anymore i want to SI again its the only thing that will make me feel good again i just miss her so much and wish that it could have been me instead of her she deserved it more than i do i feel like i failed her as a friend i just dont know anymore i feel so empty and lost and confused and hurt