sorry about not replying earlier - i've been out doing real world things
. and then our internet kicked
. anyway, more selective replying, because im too tired (sorry) to reply to everyone individually.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oceanwave
Don't forget that Ts sometimes play the devil's advocate. I suspect deli that's what yours is doing right now, and you'd have to understand why. Discussing this with him will surely help.
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ive spoken to austin-t about this before. i'm not in therapy to be manipulated; to have someone purposely push my buttons so that i react in a way they would like me to. that's patronising and i don't go in for it. austin-t knows my thoughts on this and has agreed that he won't do it with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by phoenix7
you see in a way i was - i didnt know it - but inside i wanted to stay wiht what i knew - my abuse had taught me this was the safest way to be and there was no way my inner self was giving that up wihtout a fight 
so it wasnt that i was saying nope dont want to get better - inside i was saying nope not takingthe chance that things may be wrose when im safe here..... sighs ..does that make any sense?
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i understand this completey, (((((P7))))). the thing is i AM willing to take risks for this, but i don't see how it can work and i'm trying to point this out to austin-t and he's assuming that i'm refusing to take risks.
i want to get better, and i'm willing to do graded exposures to get there, but the model he is using is leaving out a huge variable and pointing this out is making him all stroppy with me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fartraveler
"Being a victim" is often just an unfortunate fact.
"Have a victim mindset" is generalizing that experience to other aspects of one's life. I mean thinking that the world in general is going to take advantage of <me>, or hurt <me> or thinking that someone <I> am less capable or more wounded or more something, as a kind of general constraint, which will always exist, and which always will differentiate <me> from the more normal folks in the world.
So, it's kind of like "being a victim" is a fact, which can be dealt with in a variety of ways, and "having a victim mindset" is a story that <I> tell myself around that fact.
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this makes sense, Far. however, i think that the victim mentality/victimhood label is thrown around disparagingly, and certainly that is how i felt with austin-t using it. imo, it makes sense that i believe the things i believe because being a victim wasn't a one-off event or fact, it was a series of facts that constituted my the majority of my world up until i was 18 and beyond. and the story i tell myself is based on those facts. being told that i'm "wilful" suggests that i'm just being stubborn in refusing to change my thinking - that i'm silly for telling myself the story that i did and that all of a sudden i should just believe i'm safe because my therapist tells me so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bloom3
deli, when austin-t asked you to keep the door open a little was he talking about the front door or an inside door like to your bedroom? i'm asking because if he's suggesting to keep the front door open and expecting you to eventually feel safe that may be rather unrealistic in this world we live in. if it's an inside door then it does make more sense. have you ever considered taking a self-defense class or martial arts so you would feel safer in your own place? i know that is something one has to be ready to do so as not to get triggered there, and maybe you're not ready yet, but it could be something to consider in the future if you've never done it. it could give you a real sense of your own power.
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yeah, he meant an inside door. this is something i brought up as something i want to work on, it wasn't his suggestion.
i dont know about doing self defence. maybe one day, but i think for now it would be too triggering. and also, i'd like to think that one day i wouldn't need that skill, because i wouldn't be worried about that sort of stuff happening. it feels like another safety mechanism to me, and that's what i'm trying to let go of...?