Thanks guys so much. I really CAN'T call her though -- it would be too anxiety-provoking! I don't even know her and I would just feel worse if I were to call her. I am so today though, my stomach churning and I just keep thinking, I don't know, lots of things, like I shouldn't have said anything, like she probably thinks I am an ungrateful spoiled brat for complaining about my parents, like I'm awful, horrible, greedy and.. agh. All of you are saying I did well but I just think I should have said more about the good stuff instead of making everything sound like my whole life was so hard or whatever. I did have good times and I totally discounted them the whole time we were talking. I just complained and complained and complained. I feel like such a WHINER. Ohhh I wish this feeling would go aWAY.

And I'm SO embarrassed that I got so visibly anxious in front of her!

zoo.. her office is "therapisty" because the couches are big and comfy, there is lots of art and books, the paint on the walls is a soothing green, the lights are not harsh at all, lots of natural light through the windows, and her office is in an old house with a bunch of other small businesses.

I wish I could go home from work right now. I am mentally and physically exhausted and soo nauseous. I hate anxiety. I hate myself right now too.

I wish I could tell her NOW -- "MY PARENTS DID THE BEST THEY COULD" and "I HAD A HAPPY CHILDHOOD" and "LIFE ISN'T SO BAD" and "I'M SORRY!!!!!!!"

Last night I was pacing in my house and got really stuck on "sorry" -- kept saying "sorry" out loud over and over again. I'm sorry. I don't know.