Perna - when i talk to my friends, fiance about what is going on in my life they say i am blowing everything out of proportion - that i should be over it by now - the anger and fear and self loathing and pain i hold inside is so ugly that i think if they truly knew how dark i am inside they would avoid me more than they already do.

and to even contemplate letting someone into that world in my head - letting t know - is beyond scary for me