Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. It means a lot to hear them & helps keep up the spirits which I'm sure you all know isn't easy.

I have been having so much trouble trying to fight back the depression that is creeping back into my life that I have taken working on my issues with my psychologist more seriously than ever before. She has suggested several books & I found a couple of others that are dealing with the PTSD & the anorexia (kinda secondary to the stress due to nausea). Now that I am back to riding & trying to avoid ending up like last year (in the medical hospital for several months on IV nutrition), it seems to be taking up much of my time. For some reason, the books are hard to focus on & make sure I am getting anything helpful out of them.

I am glad for the fact that my mind has something else to think about with my horses & dogs. I swore it wasn't going to happen but I have to admit that the new little puppy has become the joy of my life along with his older brother. I don't name animals that I am going to find homes for but for those I keep, I take a while in naming them. The name has to fit the personality. I have finally come up with a name for the puppy other than "doodlebug" or "Anakin" (the name my daughter suggested). He now has the name of Tiny Tim (not the singer of "tiptoe through the tulips'), or Timmy. He is going to be a toy american eskimo.....very rare to end up with & not sure where those petite jeans came from....but they are very petite. At 8 weeks old, he is only about 8-10 inches long weighing not more than 3 lbs. I just cant stop laughing at how he jumps up & grabs onto Mom's ear, with his little growl & shakes it.....when he gets pissed off at her. Then when Leo plays a little rough, Timmy gets into Leo's face with his teeth bared & his tiny little growl.....I could just watch him all day along with Izzy. I am looking forward to my new foal that I am expecting in Feburary.....but always hold my breath until then since my Mare has already had 2 miscarriages. I am hoping that this one turns out as wonderful as Izzy.....but know how much time I need to spend with it in order for that to happen. I now understand how mothers have room it their hearts for many children.....it always seems like there is another spot for each one that enters my life....starting with my 2 legged human daughter.

How strange it is realize how functional I can force myself to be for my animals & how non-functional I am when I give into myself & exhaustion takes over, I don't eat & can't sleep without my meds because I still have flashbacks & nightmares that haunt me from last year & fears from childhood about being in a situation where I am accused of something & no one listens or believes me. Luckily my meds allow me to sleep, & it feels so good I would love to sleep the day away. I can't let that non-functional person out of its cage very often so not many know it exists. Leo, my most sensitive dog knows when it happens & won't leave my side.....what love & loyalty that can't be matched.

Thank you all again,
Debbie