Last night I was so sick I wound up in the ER. I was released after a few hours. Tonight T and I talked about it and he said that my stomach problems were very typical of a small child. Even though group hasn't started yet, I am already experiencing those raw feelings I felt as a child when I was lost in the group that was my family. I already see how this next level of healing may play out for me but I am so damned scared. T said he would protect me and that I didn't have to worry. He did his best to reassure me.

Along with the stomach problems has come these feelings of pure rage that I felt on the way home from T. These are the feelings of a helpless little girl. I don't have cognitive memories of feeling like this before yet at the same time they are familiar. I told T that I know I should try and stay with these feelings now but that if he felt that way he would try to run from them too. !*#@&#@!#$&&^^^@&#$!)(@#$*!@#()$*