So I'm starting EMDR therapy, and today was supposed to be the first day where we try out the headphones/buzzer thingies. Well, something happened in between last week and this week, and thankfully my T (NOT my EMDR-T...i have two in one room!) talked with me about it first and how I was doing. It was weird because we are just starting EMDR with EMDR-T, so I wasn't sure if I would ever be able to do "normal" therapy with my T. I am SO glad I called her over the weekend to talk, because I think she got how upset I was and we talked about it for the first 20 min or so.

ANYWAY, today my EMDR-T talked about how deep breathing helps relax the body when it is tense, and we tried breathing in through the nose, out through the mouth...and i HATED IT. I actually really couldn't do it...I felt ridiculous and silly while I had two T's watching me. She kept asking me where I felt stuff in my body...and I was like "Uhhhh...I don't know."

I did manage to tell her that I really didn't like doing it, that I felt ridiculous and self-conscious. So she asked what I felt "in my body" when I was telling her I didn't like it. I said I guess my muscles were tense, and she asked to attach a feeling to it...I had NO clue.

So, she said shed' try out a few words and see how I felt. First word "fear." WELL THEN, EMDR-T! I told her that was probably correct, as I am fearful of most things Then she said "vulnerable" and I immediately said "Yeah, I don't like that word," and sort of shrunk into the couch.

I guess what I am getting at is---has anyone who does any sort of breathing/body sensation stuff...was this hard for you at first? I really really didn't like it. She said that its hard for most people because its new and unfamiliar, and by focusing on your breathing, it allows feelings to be more acknowledge--and i probably dont' want to feel those feelings.

There is a part of me that just wants to dismiss all of this, deem it as new-agey stuff. A BIG part of me. But, I also really have nothing to lose--regular T is and has been for awhile at a standstill. Does this stuff really help?