Jesse is the same age as me, 15 but EXACTLY to the DAY 3 months older (which when we found out thought was extremely cool and enjoyed all that magic fate talk).

Rachel is 12 (turning 13 this year). I met her when I was 12 and she had just turned 10.. wow that's strange to think about considering my brother is 9.. Anyways Kelsie was 16 and Steven is now 16 as well.

Jesse was an extremely confused guy.. and to be honest, according to him and his friends, I was the first girl in his life EVER to actually pursue him and confess my feelings. Apparently he was just one of those guys who got rejected all the time.. which was why I always viewed him as the victim until this last recent time.

I could sense his vulnerability and I noticed that the first day I had met him, he tried to be cold to me and hostile, but there was a conversation and a misunderstanding and through that for a split second he just broke and in that split second I seen his sensitivity and I wanted to get to know him more and I fought to do so. I mean I can admit that I wasn't the best type of person out there and I couldn't offer a stable relationship with my state, confusion, and paranoia, but what I could always offer was honesty and at least a stable friendship, I explained this to him at least 20 times through out our relationship and that was all I ever asked of him in return.

I remember one night, a few weeks ago actually, some time in september in the midsts of his cheating I had gotten upset and everything and I was accusing him of all the things he had been doing and he was just calm and denied it. I burned out eventually and, like you said, I started feeling guilty for making claims I had no proof too.. so I apologized and said that I was sorry for my lack of trust and fluctuating moods, and he said it was okay and in that moment I put myself out there to be vulnerable and I asked him, to promise me that no matter what ever happened he would ALWAYS be honest with me, and he would always just, at least, be my friend.. cause I just needed him so much. And he promised.

But then when it all came down, he said promises were meant to be broken, walked away, jumped back in saying he was sorry, then jumped back out and treated me like dirt.

You would think in some way or another, maybe in my over-romanticized imagination that he would always have that kindness for me, for I was the FIRST EVER to give him a chance that he needed. I built his self-confidence, he thought of himself as completely worthless when I first met him. I talked to him and we had fun and through that year and a half, through everything, I gave him unconditional love and forgiveness, no matter what he did to me I would always respond with "it's alright".. maybe I guess it got to his head for once he started getting better girls started noticing him more, and when they did, he thought he deserved better, and now it's come to this point where he sees me as a compete nothing, someone who is pathetic and deserves all the pain he and Rachel have inflicted.. Although when it comes down to it, if it hadn't been for me he would still be that shunned loser everybody hated >_<;

Because of past events, and how Rachel is, I'm always going to have this feeling, at least until after Christmas if it never comes, that he or she is going to try and find some way of contacting me again. But don't worry, I'm not dwelling anymore, I know that if I was I would still be complaining about this to my Dad and to my friends around me, it's just one of those letting it all out type things.. and also maybe keeping a record of my progress and moods so IF these two ever decide to come back, I gave written documents of myself and others reminding me exactly what happened the last time :P